JANET WEISS AND THE SEVEN DWARFS

by Donny O'Bryan

BEFORE YOU READ THIS, A BRIEF EXPLANATION:
    This is a parody for the mature reader only...as in "if you're offended by sexual content in good fun humor, then don't read this" kind of thing.  It is definitely rated "R" or "NC-17", guys.  So please, you've been warned.
    How it came about: I was sitting in my college computer lab, trying to kill an hour's worth of time before my class started.  So I decided to throw together a fun parody, crossing Rocky Horror with Disney.  Of course, if we're talkin' Rocky, we're talkin' sex.
    I emailed it to a friend, who emailed it to somebody else, and before you know it, it was floating around to many people.  I was embarrassed at first, but hey, I gotta remember it's Rocky.
    So with that said, enjoy this diddy...or hate it...but you've been warned!

    Once upon a time, Brad Majors, a boring and somewhat clumsy fellow from Denton High, took his girlfriend Janet Weiss on a journey.  Little did they know it was going to be a journey they will never forget!

    Brad's plan was to take her out to Dr. Scott's cottage - a secluded place in the middle of nowhere - to propose marriage to her.  Janet had never even met Dr. Scott, but when Brad told her about him, she smiled, hoping that he might end up being a gynecologist.  A girl can only hope!

    CRASH!  BOOM!  And plenty more Disney sound effects as the thunderstorm blurred their vision on the road.  Brad stopped his car, and tried wiping the window.  "What's the matter, Brad Darling?" Janet asked him.  "I can't see a fucking thing, Bitch.  What does it look like?"  Janet smiled, said "oh" and then went back to her paper.  Brad put in in reverse (to this day, he doesn't know why) and suddenly: BOOM!  Was it thunder?  Was it lightning hitting a tree?  No, it was Brad's car backing up over Bambi.

    To make a long story short, they both took it on foot, but somehow, in the dark deranged forest, they became separated.  Janet turned around, calling for Brad.  "Brad!"  But he was no where around.  Her eyes noticed a light on in a small cottage up ahead.  "There's a light...I wonder if anyone's home?"

    She entered the cottage to find one room with 7 beds.  Each one had a name carved in the wooden headboards: Riff Raff, Magenta, Rocky, Columbia, Eddie, Frankie, and Dr. Scott.  "Dr. Scott!" she said, understanding that she had just discovered Dr. Scott's cottage!  "Where's Brad?" she said, suddenly crying, "Where's anybody?"

    Meanwhile, inside a castle down the road, Frank N Furter was pacing back and forth.  Suddenly, he stopped and grabbed a hand mirror.  He looked into it, blowing it a kiss and checking his hair, and then said, "Mirror mirror in my hand...who's the bitch who'll steal my man!"  Magically, the image in the mirror became Janet.  "That slut!" Frank yelled, "Dr. Scott!  Get in here at once!"  Suddenly, Dr. Scott entered, nervous, and bowed before Frankie. "Yes, master?" he said with a shaky German accent.  Frank wasted no time: "I gave you specific instructions to invite Brad and Janet to your cottage so that you can kill that bitch!  Nobody takes MY man!"  "I'm right on it, master."  With that, he took off.

    Back at the cottage, Janet got a surprise!  In walked 5 strangers.  They greeted her one at a time.  First was an indian woman who called herself Magenta Polka-honus.   Janet thought she said, Poke my heiny.  Another woman introduced herself as Columbia, and said that she lived under the sea.  She started singing, and Janet wished someone would take her voice away from her.  Next up was Eddie of Notre Dame.  Then came Riff Raff, who never told the truth.  Friends of his called him the lying king.  Finally, there was Rocky.  He was a quiet little man, made entirely of wood.  He winked at her. She smiled.  He nudged her to "come here".  She did.  Then, to the sound of music, she sat on his face and said, "Riff Raff!  Tell him what to say, you lying bastard you!"  Riff told him what to say, and Rocky repeated the words.  Suddenly his nose started to grow and Janet screamed in erotic delight!  Then, the others feeling a little left out, decided to join in.  It was one massive orgy.  Dr. Scott arrived half-way through it and felt the magic of Disney compel him into the fantasia of passion.  He stripped his clothes and jumped in the center.

    Frank-N-Furter was pissed off, as he watched in the mirror.  So he decided to put on a disguise.  He put on a bathrobe, and a wig and glasses and suddenly he resembled BRAD!  He knocked on the cottage door, and was greeted by many voices shouting, "What the fuck do you want!"  When Janet opened the door finally, she was a bit embarrassed.  "Oh Brad," she said, "I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting you.  Come in, my darling!"  Frank (or shall we say BRAD) entered, saying, "I can't right now, but I want you to do me a favor.  Take a bite of this apple!  It tastes great!  And it will have an amazing effect!"  Janet took the apple.  "What will happen?" she asked him.  He answered, "Don't worry.  It's something you'll get used to.  A mental mind fuck can be nice!"  Janet bit the apple, and then fell into a deep sleep.

    The next day, everyone but Frank felt sad.  They were mad at Frank for putting a sleep spell on Janet.  Riff vowed revenge, and began to search for his sonic laser.  However, the others approached her coffin, one by one, and cried.  Occasionally, one would crawl in the casket for a minute or two and have their way with her, but all in all, everyone was sad.

    Brad (the REAL Brad, that is) suddenly entered through the woods, and seeing Janet, he wept.  He leaned down and kissed her, hoping the kiss would break the spell.  It didn't work.  "Oh well," Brad said, "If she'll never wake up, she certainly won't mind this!"  He began to mount her, much to everyone's shock!  "What do you think you're doing?" Magenta asked, "That's not fair!  She's out cold!"  Brad had an orgasm and then said to Magenta: "It's something I learned in college."

    Suddenly, Janet opened her eyes.  She smiled, saying, "Thank you, Brad, darling!  You broke the spell by making love to me."  Everyone cheered, and Brad asked Janet to marry him.  She said yes.  Riff ended up killing the evil Frankie, and the wedding was beautiful.  At the altar, Janet looked to her right and saw Dumbo the elephant.  "Ooh," she said, "Can I ride the elephant?"  Columbia answered, "Dumbo's too small to have anyone climb on his back."  Janet smiled big, "Who said anything about his back?"

THE END?