The "Ultimate"
Audience Participation Script
For Shock Treatment

Scene 10: Farley's Song


(T
(Bert turns on the TV)

                    (SHOUT/sing: "Sunny days, sweeping the clouds away")

                    (SHOUT: "What's the worst thing to see when you wake up in the morning?")

(Farley's image is on TV. His back is to us. Suddenly, he turns around to face us)

                    (SHOUT in fear: "Aahhh!") and/or

                    (SHOUT: "What's your favorite conjunction?")

Farley: And...a big Denton welcome to my new delegation.

                   (SHOUT: "Fuck you very much")

          This is Farley and I'm here with the score.

                   (SHOUT: "What's the score? One from the vaults")

          We're gonna package and sell some mental health for the nation with my dream of the girl next door.

                    (SHOUT: "Connie Francis") or

                    (SHOUT: "A wet dream") then

                    (SHOUT: "The 64-thousand dollar question is...?")

(Song - "Farley's Song")

                  (SHOUT: "And now a song about The Time Warp")

Farley: Oh, why aren't they doing tomorrow's new dance steps the way they used to yesterday?

                    (SHOUT: "Cause then they wouldn't be tomorrow's") or

                    (SHOUT: "I still do the rock") or

                    (SHOUT: "Twitch twitch")

          And who draws a perfect circle anymore?

                    (SHOUT: "Like a circle jerk") or

                    (SHOUT: "It's the return of the thin, white Duke") or

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Hey Janet, What does abstanance mean?")

(Janet looks perplexed)

          And if your waiting for greatness to shake hands with you

          You'd better daydream your life away

                  (SHOUT: "Like high school")

          I've only wanted one thing and that's for sure.

                    (ECHO: "...and that's a blow") or

                    (SHOUT: "A blowjob")

(Cosmo, Nation, Ricky, and Ansalong begin dancing around the television)

                    (SHOUT: "It's the solid gold dancers before they became Christians")

Cosmo, Nation, Ricky, and Ansalong: Your not just looking at a fast food king

                    (SHOUT/sing: "Walk like an Egyptian")

(The dancers "walk like Egyptians" - as in the song)

          Just another well known face

          Your not looking at the king of anything

(Nurse Ansalong climbs on top of the TV set)

                  (SHOUT: "Columbia always wanted to be on television") or

                    (SHOUT: "Now there's a set of bunny ears")

Farley: I'm gonna shoot for the moon

          I'm gonna play high noon

                    (SHOUT OVER: "What are you gonna do tonight?")

          I'm gonna take on the entire human race.

                  (SHOUT: "Ooh, me first!") or

                   (SHOUT: "Yes!")

Cosmo, Nation, Ricky, and Ansalong: You're not looking at a king

                  (ECHO: "Queen")

Farley: You're looking at an ace!

(Ansalong wiggles her legs as she sits on the television)

                    (SHOUT: "Hey Farley, there's a beaver above you, what do ya say?")

          Ooooh! I've got the sight and I've seen the light

                    (SHOUT: "The Band!")

          And I'm gonna see the coming day

                    (SHOUT: "Squirt!")

          When the sun in the sky is a spotlight just for me.

                  (SHOUT OVER: "Hey, let's mess up the film")

                  (AP: Run to the screen and wiggle your hands like the hands in the movie. The audio will sound like it's messing
                    up)

                    (SHOUT: "It's the Bill Cosby show!")

          I'm gonna take some time and rock some rhyme

                    (ECHO: "Do the rock some time")

          Oh, its gonna take you're breath away

                    (SHOUT/sing: "You take my breath away")

          You'll be the front page rage of the age

          Just wait and see.

                    (SHOUT: "Second verse, same as the first")

Cosmo, Nation, Ricky, and Ansalong: Your not just looking at a fast food king

          Just another well known face

          Your not looking at the king of anything

                   (ECHO: "Queen of burger king")

(Ricky steps into our view, so we can't see the television)

                    (SHOUT: "You make a better door than window")

                    (SHOUT: "Drop Dead Fred!")

(Ricky drops down below camera view, revealing Farley on the television again)

Farley: We're gonna shoot for the moon

          We're gonna play high noon

          We're gonna take on the entire human race.

                   (SHOUT: "Me first!")

                    (SHOUT: "You were first last time!")

Cosmo, Nation, Ricky, and Ansalong: You're not looking at a king

Farley: Oh no no no no - you're looking at an ace!

                   (ECHO: "Ass")

Cosmo, Nation, Ricky, and Ansalong: You're looking at an ace!

                   (ECHO: "Ass")

Farley: You're looking at a goddamn ace!

                    (ECHO: "Ass")

Cosmo, Nation, Ricky, and Ansalong: You're looking at an ace!

                   (ECHO: "Ass")

Farley: You're looking at an ace!

                   (ECHO: "Ass")

Cosmo, Nation, Ricky, and Ansalong: You're looking at an ace!

                    (ECHO: "Ass")

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Impersonate a stutterer")

Farley: You're looking at an a - a - a - a - ace!

                   (SHOUT: "Choooooo! Excuse me")

Nation: I just love home movies. Don't you?

                   (SHOUT: "So did Tommy and Pamela") or

                    (SHOUT: "So did Rob Lowe") or

                    (SHOUT: "Only with Rob Lowe")

Farley: Times tight Janet

                   (SHOUT: "So's Janet") or

                    (ECHO: "Your pussy's tight, Janet")

          Do it right Janet

                    (SHOUT: "Just don't bite, Janet") or

                    (ECHO: "Do me right, Janet")

          Until tomorrow night

                    (SHOUT: "Who's your favorite slut?")

          Janet?


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