The "Ultimate"
Audience Participation Script
For Shock Treatment

Scene 16: Me Of Me


(Scene shift to cheerleaders in tu-tus)

Cheeleaders: Janet Janet Janet Janet

                    (SHOUT: "Jackson!")

                    (SHOUT: "And now a song about schizophrenia") or

                    (SHOUT: "Hey Janet, are you schizophrenic?")
(Song: "Me Of Me")

Janet: There's just the two of me

                    (SHOUT: "Sally Field as Sybil")

          Alone at last together

          We've got the luck so far

                    (SHOUT: "What's your favorite Madonna song?")

          We are my lucky star

                    (SHOUT: "Close your legs, we're getting an echo") or

                    (SHOUT: "God") or

                    (SHOUT: during the echo, "Oh, shit. I think I just broke it.")

(The last word echoes. The Cheerleaders start to dance.)

                    (SHOUT: "The Fantasia Hippos")

(Janet starts getting into the music)

                    (SHOUT: "It's a Motels song")

(There are 3 white collums on the stage)

                    (SHOUT: "Three white men on Viagra") and/or

                    (SHOUT: "Janet, where'd you park my car?")

          Deep in the heart of me

                    (ECHO: "of Texas") or

                    (SHOUT: "Do you like pussy?")

          I love every part of me

                    (SHOUT: "It's all about you, isn't it?")

          All I can see

                    (ECHO: "fit")

          in me

          Is the danger and ecstasy

                    (SHOUT: "I've never tried danger")

          One thing there couldn't be

                    (ECHO: "One day I couldn't pee")

          Is any more me in me

                    (ECHO: "There was no more pee in me")

(Floor manager steps into view. When he steps aside, Janets seems to have vanished.)

                    (SHOUT: "She's gone, we can all go home")

                    (AP: When Janet pops back into view, everybody SHOUT "psych!")

Cheerleaders: This is the me of me

          Me me me!

                    (SHOUT: "Doe Doe, Ray Ray")

Janet: Me me

                    (SHOUT: "How does a cat stutter?")
          Me me me

                    (SHOUT: "Janet won't be needing her diaphram anymore")

          Me me me

                    (SHOUT: "Get rid of it") or

                    (SHOUT: "Give me head!")

(Janet throws hat into the audience.)

                    (AP: Make a deep winded twirlin motion sound)

                    (SHOUT: "That's no hat, that's a space station")

          I am my destiny

                    (SHOUT: "How do you say Fuck Me Hard in French?")

          Je croie en toujour en moi. Ha ha ha

                    (SHOUT/sing: "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?" the French part of LaBell's song called Lady Marmalade) or

                    (SHOUT: "Debbie Harry") or

                    (SHOUT: "Which means?")

          I'd never lie to me

                    (SHOUT: "That's not what it means")

          I'd be willing to die for moi.

                    (SHOUT/sing: "I'd die for me and that's the truth")

(Janet begins wrecking band setup)

                    (AP: Make slapstick screams when she knocks over setup)

          I'll pray every day to me

                    (SHOUT: "Oh God")

          And here's what I'd say to me

                    (SHOUT: "She's not exactly Pete Townsend")

Cheerleaders: This is the me of me

          Me me me!

                    (SHOUT: "What did Janet name her cat?") or

                    (SHOUT: "Who's your favorite character on the Drew Carey Show?")

Janet: Me me

                    (SHOUT: "He's masterbating!")

(Farley gets excited)

                    (SHOUT: "He made a yummy sound")

                    (NOTE: continue masterbation jokes throughout rest of chorus)

                    (AP: Someone should run to the screen and pretend to jack him off)

          Me me me

                    (SHOUT: "It looks like an 80's video")

          Me me me

(Janet grabs guitar)

          Me me me

                    (SHOUT: "Who does she think she is? Joan Jett?")

          Ohh me me

          Me me me

          Ohhhh me me

          Look at me

          Moi Moi

                    (SHOUT: "Godzilla")

                    (SHOUT: "Let's see some really cheap symbolism")

(Two of the three white pillars fall down)

                    (SHOUT: "I guess Viagra doesn't last forever") and/or

                    (SHOUT: "Two out of three ain't bad")

(Farley gives a thumb up "Ahh" of approval.)

                    (SHOUT: "Fonzie") or

                    (SHOUT: "I'd hate to clean under his desk")

                    (SHOUT: "Hey Betty, one of those penises is still erect")

(Betty rushes down to the set.)