The "Ultimate"
Audience Participation Script
For Shock Treatment

Scene 2: Denton U.S.A.


(The song "Denton U.S.A." begins.  In the background, we see the letters D, E, N, T, O, and N, all made our of various materials, tall enough for characters to stand inside or outside of them.  In the foreground, Neely is standing center, her back to us.)
    (SHOUT: "Hello! Hey Neely! We're behind you! Yo bitch! Turn around! Yoo-hoo!"etc...)
(Neely turns to face the camera)

(The scene opens up on the Denton set, with Neely's back to us)
    (SHOUT: "Hello, Neely, we're behind you. Hello! Yo Bitch, turn around!") or
    (SHOUT: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the Joker")
(Neely turns around to face us)
    (SHOUT: "God!") or
    (AP: Scream in terror) or
    (SHOUT: "What do you find in Janet's crotch?")

Neely: You'll find happy hearts
    (ECHO: "Humps")
and smiling faces
    (AP: Run up to the screen and unzip/rezip her zipper on her breast pocket)
 and tolerance for the ethnic races in Denton.
    (ECHO: "...kids with braces and dentures") or
    (NOTE: You can use any small town in the area that you're seeing the movie at)
    (ECHO: "…in Berwyn")
    (SHOUT: "What do you find in Laura Dern's crotch?")

Harry: You'll find a ramblin' rose
(Harry clips the bush top)
    (AP: Run to the bush and put your finger in the path of the clippers, shouting "Ow!" as he clips)
 and a picket fence
    (SHOUT: "Ask Tom Sherritt")

Emily: Tenderness and innocence in Denton
    (ECHO: "Pick your nose and rub it in your dentures")
(Emily bites a thread in two)
    (SHOUT: "Don't forget to floss") then
    (SHOUT: "What will you find in the U.N.?") or
    (SHOUT: "What do you find in Madonna's crotch?")

Vance Parker, The Cop: You'll find conference rooms
    (SHOUT OVER: "Where do you smoke your weed?")
and a children's playground
    (SHOUT: "This used to be her playground")
(He closes the jail door)
    (SHOUT: "Attica!")
Denton is a real okay
    (ECHO: "all gay") or
    (SHOUT OVER: "How big is your dick?")
(Vance makes an "okay" sign with his fingers)
 town.
Civic pride and civic duty
    (SHOUT OVER: "Isn't that the girls from The Facts Of Life?")
and Denton girls are (whistle)
    (ECHO: "P.U.")
full of beauty
    (ECHO: "Blair and Tootie") or
    (ECHO: "Full of shit") or
    (SHOUT: "The cops are blind") or
    (ECHO: "Real good booty") or
    (ECHO: "Pre-teen booty") or
    (ECHO: "Full of cooties") or
    (SHOUT: "Officer Krup K in 'Lolita'") or
    (SHOUT: "Sing it, Goody Two Shoes") or
    (SHOUT: "Sing it, Adam Ant") or
    (SHOUT OVER/sing: "Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?") or
    (SHOUT: "What a goody two shoe")

Cheerleaders: You may call us the goody two shoes
    (SHOUT: "It's the fill in the blank with name of high school in your area cheerleaders")
    (SHOUT: "No, they were never that good.")
We're here to cheer you with the good news
    (SHOUT: "Who choreographed this? Paula Abdul?")
that D-E-N-T-O-N
    (SHOUT: "Cheerleader math") or
    (SHOUT, in reference to high school cheerleaders mentioned two shouts ago: "They can't spell that good either.")
gets T-E-N,
    (SHOUT: "They can't count that good either")
that's ten out of ten.
    (AP: Run up to the screen when Macy Struthers is posed with a leg kicked back. Pretend to grab her leg and pump it like a water pump.)

Ralph: If you're lookin' for a life of leisure

Macy: You're gonna get a whole lot to please ya
    (SHOUT: "How often do you masterbate?") or
    (SHOUT OVER: "Ralph and Macy, describe your sex lives")

Ralph: Again and again

Macy: And again and again

Ralph/Macy: And again!
    (SHOUT: "I don't want to shake your hand")
    (SHOUT: "Look, John Denver's plane flew right over there!")

(During this chorus, the audience looks back and forth, left and right, with each line of the chorus)
    (AP: Look back and forth as the movie audience does, as though you're watching John Denver's plane flying overhead.)

Audience: Denton, Denton
You've got no pretention
You're where the heart is
You're okay.
    (ECHO: "You're all gay") or
    (ECHO: "You're so gay")
Denton, Denton
I'd just like to mention
You're the home of youth
    (SHOUT: "Not the wave!")
You're America's truth
You're Denton, Denton, U.S.A.
    (NOTE: The following is an optional SHOUT ECHO to sing over the entire first chorus, if you'd like: "Denteen, Denteen, we chew lots of Denteen, let's have a lot more, it's okay! Did I mention that I shopped at Venture. It's the home for you to replace a tooth, and get Dentures, dentures everyday!")

Emily: This is the mecca of America
    (SHOUT: "Malcolm why?") or
    (SHOUT with tag-on lines that overlap Harry's lines: "What's a mecker?" "Someone who mecks." "How do you meck?" "With a pitchfork and a banana")

Harry: The Bethlehem of the west
    (SHOUT: "Jesus!")

Emily: This is the birthplace of the virtuous
    (SHOUT: "Janet was from out of town")

Harry: The home of
(Harry clips the bush with hedge clippers)
    (AP: Run to the screen and put your finger or crotch in the path of the clippers clip, and when he clips the bush, SHOUT: "Ouch!")
happiness
    (Beavis & Butthead SHOUT: "Heh heh, he said penis") or
    (SHOUT: "Not if you keep clipping")

Macy: (with her palm extended) Leisure-wise, we're sure you will adapt
    (SHOUT OVER: "Hey, Macy! Gimme five!") or
    (SHOUT: "Valley of the dolls")

Ralph: Enjoy your stay. Have a happy holiday.
    (ECHO: "Be so happy, he's so gay") or
    (SHOUT: "Motel 6")

Cheerleaders: (rocking their heads back and forth like dolls) And we'll all put Denton, Denton on the map.
    (SHOUT: "It's Lavern and Shirley after Lavern spent too much time in the tanning bed") or
    (SHOUT: "Cindy Williams and Moesha in The Defiant Ones")
    (SHOUT OVER: in reference to Cheerleader's head shakes "It's Puppet Master, part five")

(During this 2nd chorus, the audience rows are leaning back and forth, left and right, each row in the opposite of the row in the opposite direction of the row in front and behind them.)
    (AP: We should choreograph each row prior to the film's start to do the same)
    (SHOUT: "Look! Now John Denver's plane is being chased by fill in the blank's vibrator")

Audience: Denton, Denton
You've got
(As the rows lean, a bearded man in the 2nd row doesn't switch directions with his row)
    (SHOUT: "Hey, mister! Lean that way! That way!")
no pretention
You're where the heart is
You're okay.
(Scene shows the DEN sign, followed by the TON sign)
    (SHOUT: "That's a ton!")
(Scene shows a large man in the audience leaning to his right)
    (SHOUT: "So's that!")
Denton, Denton, I'd just
(Scene shows the fat man lean to the left, onto the man next to him)
    (SHOUT: "Get off me!") or
    (SHOUT: "It's Marlon Brando!") or
    (SHOUT: "It's John Candy!")
like to mention you're
    (SHOUT: "Shock Treatment in 3-D")
(Scene shows a woman with large sunglasses)
the home of youth
You're America's truth
You're Denton, Denton, U.S.A.
    (SHOUT: "Stand up if you think Godzilla was a bad movie")
(The audience stands up and claps during the next chorus)
Denton, Denton
You've got no pretention
You're
(Scene shows a black guy clapping, standing next to a fat guy)
    (SHOUT: "Look in the middle, it's Kid Dynomite!")
    (SHOUT: "With a cameo by John Candy")
where the heart is
You're okay
Denton, Denton
I'd just
(Scene shows Brad & Janet with an old man standing behind Brad)
    (SHOUT: "Hey, isn't that George Burns?")
like to mention
    (SHOUT: "Hey Brad, clap like a white guy")
(Brad claps off beat)
    (SHOUT: "The Oswald prison transfer had better choreography")
You're the home of youth
You're America's truth
(Scene shows close-ups on various faces)
    (AP: Scream in terror when you see Ralph's face)
(Scene shows Brad preparing, very slowly in anticipation, to clap again)
    (SHOUT: "Okay, Brad, clap one more time... Here we go, ready?")
    (NOTE: The humor in this joke is that we're encouraging Brad to clap where there is no more claps coming up. When the audience starts to sit down, SHOUT: "Psyche!")
You're Denton, Denton, U.S.A.
    (SHOUT: "Last one to sit down, sits in the wet spot")


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