The "Ultimate"
Audience Participation Script
For Shock Treatment

Scene 21: You've Got Guests / Betty & Ollie's New Wardrobe

(Crowd is heard chanting in the background, "Janet Janet, we want Janet")

                    (ECHO chant: "Janet, Janet, wake up, Janet")

(Nation is waking up Janet)

Nation: Janet? Janet? Wake up Janet.

                    (SHOUT: "She's slow, but she's got the idea")

          You've got guests.

                    (ECHO: "crabs") or

                    (SHOUT or ECHO: "You've got mail!")

          You can come in now!

                    (SHOUT: "and out, and in, and out, and in")

(The band enters)

Brenda: Hi, Janet!

Frankie: How are you feeling?

                    (ECHO: "What's your favorite Who song?")

Janet: Who are you?

                    (SHOUT/sing: "ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh")

Oscar: The band!

Janet: Do you have any friends?

Oscar: Sure.

                    (SHOUT: "Joey, Rachel, Chandler, …")

Janet: You won't have soon.

                    (ECHO: "...after this film")

          What are you called - your band?

Glitch: Oscar Drill and the Bits.

                    (ECHO: "Robin Hood and His Merry Men") or

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Hanson") or

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Wham!")

(Janet passes out with an "Ungh".)

                    (SHOUT OVER: "And now, Kate Winslet from Titanic")

(Janet lowers her hat over her face, similar to a scene in Titanic)

(Scene switches to wardrobe room. Wardrobe mistress is leaving. When she leaves, Betty and Oliver come out of
hiding, and begin dressing as a Nurse and Doctor.)

                    (SHOUT: "Let's play dress-up")

Oliver: Betty, its imperative we get Janet out of Farley's fast fingers and Brad out of that hell hole before they both
disappear forever.

                    (SHOUT: "But Janet loves fast fingers")

                    (SHOUT: "And Brad loves hell holes")

(Oliver finishes his new attire with a headband that sports a circular mirror in front)

                    (SHOUT OVER: "I can't find the CD that I glued to my head band….hmmm…")

Betty: I don't mind telling you, Oliver, I'm not looking forward to this.

                    (SHOUT: "A pap smear?")

Oliver: If only I could place that name. McKinley.

                    (SHOUT: "My high school gym teacher!")

Betty: It was a president.

Oliver: Presidents. Past presidents.

                    (SHOUT OVER: "One plus one IS three!")

          Betty, this is beginning to add up.

Betty: Really?

(Betty is having difficulty pinning her name tag on her nurse uniform)

          What do I pin this on?

                    (SHOUT: "Richard Jewel")

Oliver: Faith Betty.

                    (ECHO: "Your tit, Betty")

          But make sure its your own.

                    (SHOUT: "Thanks little Buddha")

(Scene shift to Farley's office. Wardrobe mistress is putting on the finishing touches. Cop has just entered)

                    (SHOUT: "Farley's gotta pee!") or

                    (SHOUT: "What do you say to a premature ejaculator?")

Wardrobe Mistress: In a hurry, Mr. Flavors?

Cop: There's a little lady

                    (SHOUT: "Dr. Ruth") or

                    (SHOUT: "Estelle Getty")

          he doesn't want to keep waiting. And a date.

                    (SHOUT OVER: "And now for a stupid question")

Wardrobe Mistress: Who is Mr. Flavors?

                    (SHOUT: "He's standing in front of you, bitch")

Farley: The past.

                    (SHOUT: "Oh, Zsa Zsa")

(Cop lights Farley's cigar)

                    (SHOUT: "Boom!")