Scene 27: Faith Show Finale
Farley: Take no notice of him!
(SHOUT: "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!")
Brad: I'm as sane
as you are. Saner!
Cosmo: And he was only with us for one day!
(SHOUT: "Give a hand to Mr. Hand!") or
(SHOUT: "Thank you, Mr. Freeze")
(Camera pans to Ralph and Bert.)
Bert: They should be sent to the Danube at dawn.
(SHOUT: "Achtung baby")
Bert: Just memories.
Ralph: (to Farley quietly) We'll edit the tape.
(SHOUT: "Mr. Clinton") or
(SHOUT: "Mr. Nixon")
They'll never see everything.
(SHOUT: "Was it live or memorex?")
(to audience) Um, I hope Mr. Flavors will accept apologies on behalf of all of Denton for this unfortunate
incident. It seems everyone wants to be related to the great.
(SHOUT: "and powerful Oz") or
(SHOUT: "Space Coaster")
Farley: No offense. Offense? On the contrary.
(SHOUT: "The best offense is a good defense")
This is a perfect example of what we are here to combat.
(SHOUT: "Gabba Gabba Wee - One of us, one of us")
(All eyes turn to Janet.)
(SHOUT: "So which is it, the asshole or the asshole?")
(After a brief moment, she reaches down and helps Brad to his feet.)
(SHOUT: "Ah, the asshole")
(Farley is shocked for a moment)
(SHOUT: "How do you have sex? In!")
(Farley starts chanting "Out", over and over.)
(AP: Shout "in" between each "out", faster and faster, until it's impossible to keep up. Then near the very end,
shout, "Heeee's safe!")
(SHOUT: "This is the weirdest production of MacBeth")
(The audience helps out with the "out" chant, pointing toward the door each time. They catch on as do most of the people on stage. The
Cop comes and escorts Oliver, Betty, Brad and Janet into the research lab.)
You see the way we got rid of that dirty little dish,
(SHOUT: "Did he say bitch?") or
(SHOUT: "…that ran away with the spoon")
is the way we are going to put the rest of our house in order. Including the upstairs!
(SHOUT: "Oh shit, that's my room!") or
(SHOUT or ECHO: "Downstairs!")
(Audience cheers. Farley motions to Macy)
Ah yes, yes, Miss, you, yes.
(SHOUT: "Miss You-yes?")
Would you come up here please and help us to inaugurate the Farley Flavor's Faith Factory, transmitting from coast to coast and
continent to continent? You are Miss…
(SHOUT: "-taken") or
(SHOUT: "-carriaged") or
(SHOUT: "-informed") or
Macy: Macy. Macy Struthers.
(SHOUT: "Hey Betty, do Kojack")
Betty: Who loves you, Baby?
(Betty flips off Macy.)
(SHOUT: "There's my bird!") or
(SHOUT: "That's the chicken that stepped on his forehead") or
(SHOUT: "Does this bird belong to YOU!!!")
(SHOUT: "Hey, that bird does belong to her!")
(Camera goes to Emily and Harry who are clapping)
Emily: She let me down. She let us all down!
(SHOUT: "It's the Whiners!") or
(SHOUT: "Rapunzel, Rapunzel")
Harry: Shut up, Emily! And listen to a success story.
(SHOUT: "The life of Donald Trump")
Nation: This could be worse than the old series.
(SHOUT: "Good Times") or
Cosmo: In the old series we never had a convertible.
(SHOUT: "Ellen did lift her top once")
Farley: And remember, sanity today is the springboard to the hygienic tomorrow.
(Farley kisses Macy.)
(SHOUT: "It's superglue!")
(Ralph frowns but keeps on clapping. Audience cheers)
Now, will you follow me, down the DTV trail, to Dentonvale?
(ECHO: "Disney World") or
(SHOUT/sing: "Happy trails to you...") or
(SHOUT: "I want my DTV")
(SHOUT: "OH SHIT!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!")
Farley: (to Macy) Thanks honey, they bought it. Now out of the way.
(to audience) That's right!
(Scene switches to Neely)
Neely: I can't stand it.
(SHOUT: "Then sit down, bitch")
Everything good always happens to other people.
(SHOUT: "Marcia Marcia Marcia")
(Audience members are being handed striped straight jackets)
(SHOUT: "Here's your Foot Locker uniforms, orientation in 10 minutes") or
(SHOUT: "Cocaine, get your cocaine!")
And fast food giant Farley Flavors has just given Miss Mental Health
(SHOUT: "the finger")
what can only be described as an official kiss of approval.
(ECHO: "piss off")
And the crowd are loving it as they follow her down the Dentonvale trail.
(Brad sneaks up to the cop who has them held in a room. His gun is raised)
(SHOUT: "Hey, pull my trigger")
(Brad tries to grab the gun, but the cop turns and sees him)
(Brad points to the crowd)
Brad: (to the cop) Hey look, they're having a party.
(ECHO: "Look, there's a bloody glove in OJ's yard!") or
(ECHO: "Look, they're giving out free donuts!") or
(ECHO: "Look, they're giving out free enemas!")
(The cop looks, smiling, but then realizes Brad was just trying to divert his attention)
(SHOUT, childlike, speaking for Vance, the Cop: "Ohhh, you almost got me!")
(Vance is about to take off, because he sees Neely and her crew following thecrowd because they don't want to miss out on the action.
Just as he is about to leave, he shoves Brad into the office and shuts the door. He takes off after everyone else. Scene
shifts to inside the research lab)
GO TO SCENE 28
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