Scene 7: Happy Homes
(The doors open up revealing Emily)
(SHOUT: "Heeeere's Mommy!")
(Emily is carrying a dress she made as she comforts Janet)
Emily: Oh my poor baby.
(SHOUT: "You should have made a rich one")
Janet: Oh mom, its Brad.
Emily: I know, I know baby. He's gonna get all the help he needs. But in the mean time, look, for you.
(Emily hands Janet a new pink outfit. Janet is impressed by it and tries to get in words of praise but Emily keeps
talking over her.)
They call it a new look in an old favorite.
(Emily bites the thread near the dress' chestline)
(SHOUT: "Don't bite her tit!")
I copied it from the window on the world show. The Far East meets The Midwest.
(SHOUT/sing: "Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so")
Janet: Mom its -
(SHOUT: "The dress my Aunt was buried in") or
(SHOUT: "Princess Di's dress")
Emily: Its just what the doctor ordered. I know. Come on in. My favorite show just started.
Janet: What show?
(SHOUT: "OH, SHIT! NOT AGAIN!!!!!")
(Scene switches to Nurse Ansalong bending over to feed Brad in the Terminal ward just after Ricky left.)
(SHOUT: "No wonder she's the head nurse. Lower, lower...")
(Scene switches to a monitor showing the opening sequence screen to Happy Homes.)
Announcer: Love Starts in the home and where better to find this than in today's happy homes.
(ECHO: "Happy Homos")
(Scene switches to Emily's kitchen, where we see a cereal box with a black man on it.)
With guest star Janet Majors.
(ECHO: "Bill Cosby") or
(SHOUT: "as the Beaver")
(In the background we can see a package of Charmin toilet tissue, and a CHOCK FULL O' NUTS Coffee can)
(SHOUT: "Don't squeeze the Charmin, part 5") and
(SHOUT: "How ironic - Chock Full o' Nuts and Brad in the same movie!")
(Emily is getting ready to pour a cup of coffee for Janet and herself.)
(SHOUT when you see the coffee pot: "Has anyone seen my spitoon?") and/or
(SHOUT in reference to a scene in Bitchin' In The Kitchen: "Looks like a perculator to me.")
Janet: Oh, thanks.
(The camera switches to the back door, where Harry is entering, wiping the sweat from his brow.)
(SHOUT: "I AM Tiger Woods")
(As an announcer begins talking in the background on a commercial, Harry walks towards the refridgerator.)
(SHOUT: "Has anyone seen my golfball?")
(Harry opens the fridge door and looks inside)
(SHOUT: "Nope, not in there.")
(Harry gives a look of frustration, swinging a fist in the air slightly)
(SHOUT: "Damn") or
(Beavis & Butthead SHOUT: "Heh heh, he got wood")
(Harry takes off his hat and practices his putting behind Janet and Emily. We can see that Janet has now changed into the new outfit her
mother gave her. Emily attempts to pin a flower on Janet's breast)
(AP: When the pin touches Janet's chest, make a "ssss" sound, as though air were escaping).
Harry: Oh for crying out loud, Emily, leave her alone. She's not a kid.
Emily: Well I wanted to see her in it.
(SHOUT: "It's better than seeing her out of it")
Janet: Its really very nice.
Emily: The material is imported…
(SHOUT: "From Skokie") or
(SHOUT: "From Madagascar")
(SHOUT/sing: "Turning Taiwanese, I think I'm turning Taiwanese, I really think so").
Harry: Damn it Emily, she's not interested.
Emily: What are you trying to do Harry, start an argument?
(Harry has his knees pressed together oddly)
(SHOUT: "Dad's gotta go pee!")
Don't you want your daughter to look pretty?
Harry: Who's she got to look pretty for?
Emily: She's got a husband.
Harry: She's got a weirdo!
(ECHO: "...an asshole!")
I've never been able to afford the time to havea nervous breakdown.
(SHOUT: "My visa's maxed out!")
Janet: Oh, poor Brad.
Emily: Thank God he was born an orphan. It would have killed his parents.
(SHOUT: "They died laughing")
(NOTE: In the background, you hear laughter)
And thank goodness he hasn't ended up like that Slibstrini boy.
Harry: What are you talking about. Danny Slibstrini is a chip off the old block.
(SHOUT: "Chip got evicted")
Why, I played 18 holes of golf with his father just last week
(Beavis & Butthead SHOUT: "Heh heh, he said Holes")
and Hank says that Danny's moved to New York to better himself.
(ECHO: "Butter himself")
Emily: He moved all right.
(SHOUT: "A bowel movement")
And they found him at the back of Wilson's bakery
(SHOUT: "With a bun in the oven")
naked,with fifteen other men.
(SHOUT: "Fruit filled") or
(SHOUT: "What kind of men?")
(Harry puts on a face of disgust and disbelief and misses the putt.)
(SHOUT: "If he fucks like he golfs, he'll never make the hole") or
(SHOUT: "At least Danny got a hole in one!")
(Harry throws his putter, grabs his hat and heads for the door.)
Harry: I'm gonna catch up on a few jobs that need doing outside.
(SHOUT: "Like mowing the garage") or
(SHOUT: "OJ needs an alibi") or
(SHOUT: "Blowjobs, handjobs")
(Harry slams door)
Male Announcer: We return to Dentonvale after this important message.
Emily: You shouldn't have said that.
Janet: But why?
(ECHO: "Why not?")
Emily: Your father doesn't like Mexicans.
(Scene changes to a shot of the crowd. Emily's last line is repeated over PA system.)
(SHOUT OVER: "It's the Mark Fuhrman fan club")
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