The "Ultimate"
Audience Participation Script
For Shock Treatment

Scene 8: Thank God I'm A Man


(T
(Song - "Thank God I'm A Man")
 
 

(Scene switch to the Weiss's garage door opening up.)

                  (SHOUT: "Why is he mowing his garage?") or

                    (SHOUT: "Garth Brooks, unplugged") or

                    (SHOUT/sing: "Convoy…")

(Harry starts his lawnmower)

                  (SHOUT: "Mowing the Astro Turf, part one")

                    (SHOUT: "Stand for the Republican National Anthem")

                    (NOTE: There is a clever ECHO to shout over the first 3 lines or so of the next song. Time it out carefully: "How'd
                    you do, I see you've met my faithful Lawnmower Man")

Harry: A man should call the toss

                  (SHOUT: "Heads or tails") and/or

                    (SHOUT: "I want heads")

          Wear the pants, and be the boss

                  (SHOUT: "Bruce")

          A man should be the

                  (ECHO: "eat a")

          drake

                  (SHOUT: "Duck you!")

          For his own damn sake

          And men should be the misters

                    (ECHO: "Fisters")

          And the masters

          of their sisters

                   (ECHO: "...and the baters")

          A man should be the reason

          for a heart to break

                    (ECHO: "For his cock to ache")

Marines: So, be moral

                   (ECHO: "immoral") or

                    (SHOUT: "The evolution of man")

          Don't quarrel

                   (ECHO: "a squirel")

          Fair and square is best

                   (ECHO: "let 'em feel your chest")

Women: Let me alert you

(The ladies have their hand on their chest, the other in the air)

                   (SHOUT: "Do you see a flag?")

          that virtue won't hurt you or desert you

                   (SHOUT: "Pussy Whip")

Men: If you wear hair on your chest

                   (ECHO: "If you keep beer in a chest") or

                    (ECHO: "If you have hair on your nuts")

Audience: So always remember to follow the rules.

Marines: Box clever

Men: Jock's never

                   (SHOUT: "Sit down!")

Harry: (takes off golf hat) Hock another jock's tools!

                   (ECHO: "Grab another jock's jewels")

(Harry starts up mower again)

                    (SHOUT: "Mowing the Astro Turf, part two")

                    (AP: During this next verse, you have the opportunity to hum the theme to Underdog, "ooh, wah ooh, wah
                    ooh," etc.)

          A man should wax a car

                    (ECHO: "his knob")

          and fix a fuse and tend a bar

                   (SHOUT: "Like Tim Allen")

          A man should like his brow to be wet with sweat

                   (ECHO: "cum")

          Men should know the right occasions

          To indulge in tax evasions

                   (ECHO: "Sex liaisons")

          A man should know the settings

                   (ECHO: "spankings")

          that his spark plugs get

                   (ECHO: "hot dog gets")

                    (SHOUT: "What did you have in your ass last night?")

          Faggots are

                   (ECHO: "and")

          maggots

          Thank god I'm a man

                    (ECHO: "one too") and/or

                    (SHOUT: "Well gollee, Sgt. Carter")

(Harry salutes and the garage door starts to close)

                    (SHOUT: "The home improvement garage door opener - grunt grunt!") or

                    (SHOUT: "Who did you have in your ass last night?")

(The closed door reveals the presidential seal)

                    (SHOUT: "Bill Clinton?!") and/or

                    (SHOUT: "He carries the Bill Clinton seal of approval")

                    (SHOUT: "He left a stain on his lawnmower")


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