Scene 9: Offices &
Scene switch to Dentonvale conference room. Ansalong is wheeling in a cart of fruit and wine.)
(SHOUT: "Okay, who ordered the fruit platter appetizer to the television entre?")
(At the table sit Bert, Nation and Cosmo)
Bert: What a meal! Scrumptious mine leibeling. I insist on the recipe.
(SHOUT: "It's leftover meatloaf!")
Nation: Coming from a gourmet that's praise indeed.
(SHOUT: "Why do you smell good?")
(SHOUT: "Made for a woman")
Cosmo: With Fast Food Farley at the helm it'll probably be TV dinners from now on.
(SHOUT: "Like Meatloaf?")
Bert: Farley is already a TV dinner
as we shall see
(SHOUT: "He'll be NBCing you and I'm not CBSing")
(Bert pushes buttons.)
(SHOUT: "Hold my calls, Mrs. Hawiggons")
(Ricky wheels in a TV set)
(SHOUT: "Alright, who ordered the television, well done?") and/or
(SHOUT: "Take the dinner out of the microwave before you bring it out!") or
(SHOUT: "Is this what he meant by TV Dinner?")
Dentonvale will run forever now that his interest has embraced mental hygiene.
(SHOUT OVER: "Where can we have an orgy?") or
(SHOUT OVER: "Where can we have a picnic?")
Nation: Our field.
(SHOUT: "I hate chiggers!")
(Scene switch to the Research Lab. Oliver and Betty are sitting, talking)
Oliver: You know, I'm convinced that its some kind of conspiracy.
(SHOUT: "The X-Files in 30 years, with Moldy & Scuzzy")
Oliver: Mm hmm
Betty: That sounds a little far fetched
(SHOUT: "That's why they call it a conspiracy theory")
Oliver: Oh I don't know. Remember Lieutenant Orpheous? He disappeared into that underworld series and never
(SHOUT: "I'd disappear too if my last name was Oriface") or
Betty: Sounds like my husband. He never came back either.
(SHOUT: "He came when I was with him") or
(SHOUT: "He never came, period.")
Oliver: Ha ha ha.
Betty: Not after Flavors gave him a commercial break.
(ECHO: "...blow job.")
Oliver: Ah yes, Farley flavors. You know I find it remarkable that his Faith Factory is being financed by an entire
nations indigestion. Ha ha ha ha ha.
(SHOUT: "I made a funny") and/or
(SHOUT: "I don't get it.")
(Scene shift back to Dentonvale conference room)
Bert: Who do you think gave you the next episode?
(SHOUT: "The writers?") or
(SHOUT: "Aaron Spelling")
(Bert hands nation a folder with a red heart on the front)
(SHOUT: "I Love Lucy!") or
(SHOUT: "Love connection")
So that Janet will be free to front line the new Faith Factory Show.
(SHOUT: "Janet's already free")
(SHOUT: "I'll take 5 dollars worth")
(SHOUT: "It's still free")
Cosmo: We're the experts.
Bert: Who trusts e-e-experts?
(SHOUT: "I-I-I do")
Nation: Why Janet?
Bert: Everyone loves the girl next door.
(Bites into an apple)
(SHOUT: "Everybody's had the girl next door")
(SHOUT: "He's had her twice!")
Nation: So it seems.
(SHOUT: "Let's play charades") or
(SHOUT: "Hey, half a worm!")
(Bert and Nation burst out laughing. Bert sprays apple from his mouth)
(SHOUT: "Look, I'm a zit. Get it?") or
(SHOUT: "I like seafood, don't you?!")
Scene shift back to Research Lab. Knock at the door)
Betty: (laughing) Come in.
(SHOUT: "and out, and in, and out, and in")
Ralph: Oh, hi.
Ralph: Oh, I just came to give you this Betty.
(Ralph hands her an envelope)
(SHOUT: "It's a fuck you note")
Betty: Oh well thank you.
Ralph: You're welcome
(SHOUT OVER: "Sobriety check")
Macy: (entering) Hi.
(SHOUT: "Everybody's high")
Ralph: Oh we'd better get going.
(SHOUT: "I'd rather be coming")
Tomorrow's the big one and, uh, Farley expects.
(SHOUT: "A blow job") or
(SHOUT: "To be fucked")
Oliver: Oh, you bet.
(SHOUT: "I fold")
Ralph: Uh huh.
Oliver: Uh huh.
(SHOUT/sing: "Uh huh, Da da da")
Ralph: I guess we'd better leave you young things to it.
(SHOUT OVER: "Sexuality check")
(SHOUT: "Everybody's Bi")
(Ralph and Macy exit.)
(SHOUT: "I drank too much beer")
(Betty gets up)
(SHOUT: "I feel sick")
(Betty opens the door)
Betty: Oh Ralph.
(AP: Make vomit sound)
(SHOUT OVER/sing: "Take this job andů")
Betty: Shove it!
Ralph: Oh, you shove it too, Betty!
(SHOUT: "I will! Now where's that dildo?")
(SHOUT: "Up your ass")
(Betty slams the door and walks back to her seat)
Betty: Alimony is just another word for rape.
(SHOUT: "Alimony! Alimony!") or
(SHOUT: "Tell that to Tori Amos")
(Betty opens the envelope)
(SHOUT: "I know what you did last summer")
Conspiracy is right! The Denton Dossier is...
(ECHO: "The X-Files are...") or
(ECHO: "Janet's legs are...")
(SHOUT: "That's it. I want my 5 dollars back")
(SHOUT: "Hey, Chuck, drop that tack")
(Oliver drops a tack into his stationary holder)
(SHOUT: "That's tacky") or
(SHOUT: "Now he has no tact")
MUSIC - DENTONVALE ORGAN MUSIC (Dentonvale opening)
(SHOUT: "OH, SHIT! NOT AGAIN!")
special guest star: Janet Majors.
(SHOUT OVER: "Who's LaToya's sister?")
Cosmo & Nation: Janet!
(SHOUT: "No, Michael") or
Janet: I've come to see Brad.
(SHOUT, in reference to The Wizard Of Oz's gatekeeper: "Nobody ever sees Brad. Not no way, not no how") or
(SHOUT: "Get the mop") or
(SHOUT: "At least she came")
Nation: That's out of the question. He's sleeping like a baby.
(SHOUT: "We have to change his diapers every two hours...or every two pounds") or
(SHOUT: "He wakes up every two hours crying")
Cosmo: Its you we're concerned about Janet.
Nation: Yes Janet. How are you? Are you happy?
Janet: Well I'm happy.
(SHOUT/sing: "If your happy and you know it clap your hands")
Cosmo: There are countless people in this world Janet who believe that they're happy
(SHOUT: "But that doesn't count") or
Nation: But they only think that they're happy.
(SHOUT OVER: "One plus one equals three")
Janet: Oh well that doesn't make any sense.
Bert: This might, Janet
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