(Scene shift to studio floor. Floor Manager is trying to wake up the audience. Oscar Drill and The Bits pass in the background)

                    (SHOUT: "It's Hanson!")

FloorManager: (whistles) Good morning, Denton. Rise and shine.

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Yawn...are we there yet?")

          She'll be here any second now so lets give her a great big hand.

                    (AP: Big cardboard hand past the screen, as in earlier AP scene)

(Audience cheers as Janet, Cosmo, Nation and Bert dance their way down the stairs. A crowd has gathered at the bottom of the stairs to
greet them)

Neely: Oh Janet, I can't tell you how excited I am.

                    (SHOUT: "Nipple check")

          For you.

                    (SHOUT: "Ass-kisser")

          We've got the band and dancers and dry ice standing by. Betty Hapshatt is indisposed

                    (AP: Make flush sound)

          so Macy'll have to do the introductions.

Janet: Oh, I don't need introductions.

                    (SHOUT: "But you do need glasses, eh stupid? Sorry, wrong part") or

                    (SHOUT: "But you do need batteries")

(Camera to Betty and Oliver watching from above. Camera to Macy giving Janet an introduction on the Good Morning Denton set)

Macy: The fabulous.

                    (SHOUT: "Bakerboys") or

                    (SHOUT: "Thunderbirds")

The golden.

                    (SHOUT: "Girls") or

                    (SHOUT: "Brush")

The very wonderful.

                    (SHOUT: "World of Disney") then

                    (SHOUT: "Did you know Macy's pussy smells funny?") or

                    (SHOUT: "The answer is mental instability")

(Scene shift to Betty and Oliver watching from above)

Betty: I knew it!

(Scene shift to cheerleaders in tu-tus)

Cheeleaders: Janet Janet Janet Janet

                    (SHOUT: "Jackson!")

                    (SHOUT: "And now a song about skitzoprenia") or

                    (SHOUT: "Hey Janet, are you skitzoprenic?")

(Song: "Me Of Me")

Janet: There's just the two of me

                    (SHOUT: "Sally Field as Sybil")

          Alone at last together

          We've got the luck so far

                    (SHOUT: "What's your favorite Madonna song?")

          We are my lucky star

                    (SHOUT: "Close your legs, we're getting an echo") or

                    (SHOUT: "God") or

                    (SHOUT: during the echo, "Oh, shit. I think I just broke it.")

(The last word echoes. The Cheerleaders start to dance)

                    (SHOUT: "The Fantasia Hippos")

(Janet starts getting into the music)

                    (SHOUT: "It's a Motels song")

(There are 3 white collums on the stage)

                    (SHOUT: "Three white men on Viagra") and/or

                    (SHOUT: "Janet, where'd you park my car?")

          Deep in the heart of me

                    (ECHO: "of Texas") or

                    (SHOUT: "Do you like pussy?")

          I love every part of me

                    (SHOUT: "It's all about you, isn't it?")

          All I can see

                    (ECHO: "fit")

          in me

          Is the danger and ecstasy

                    (SHOUT: "I've never tried danger")

          One thing there couldn't be

                    (ECHO: "One day I couldn't pee")

          Is any more me in me

                    (ECHO: "There was no more pee in me")

(Floor manager steps into view. When he steps aside, Janets seems to have vanished.)

                    (SHOUT: "She's gone, we can all go home")

                    (AP: When Janet pops back into view, everybody scream, or yell "psych!")

Cheerleaders: This is the me of me

          Me me me!

                    (SHOUT: "Doe Doe, Ray Ray")

Janet: Me me

                    (SHOUT: "How does a cat stutter?")

          Me me me

                    (SHOUT: "Janet won't be needing her diaphram anymore")

          Me me me

                    (SHOUT: "Get rid of it") or

                    (SHOUT: "Give me head!")

(Janet throws hat into the audience.)

                    (AP: Make a deep winded twirlin motion sound)

                    (SHOUT: "That's no hat, that's a space station")

          I am my destiny

                    (SHOUT: "How do you say Fuck Me Hard in French?")

          Je croie en toujour en moi. Ha ha ha

                    (SHOUT/sing: "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, çe soir?" <the french part of LaBelle's song Lady Marmalade>) or

                    (SHOUT: "Debbie Harry") or

                    (SHOUT: "Which means?")

          I'd never lie to me

                    (SHOUT: "That's not what it means")

          I'd be willing to die for moi.

                    (SHOUT/sing: "I'd die for me and that's the truth")

(Janet begins wrecking band setup)

                    (AP: Make slapstick screams when she knocks over setup)

          I'll pray every day to me

                    (SHOUT: "Oh God")

          And here's what I'd say to me

                    (SHOUT: "She's not exactly Pete Townsend")

Cheerleaders: This is the me of me

          Me me me!

                    (SHOUT: "What did Janet name her cat?") or

                    (SHOUT: "Who's your favorite character on the Drew Carey Show?")

Janet: Me me

                    (SHOUT: "He's masturbating!" or "..wanking it" or any masturbation reference of choice)

(Farley gets excited)

                    (SHOUT: "He made a yummy sound")

                    (NOTE: continue masturbation jokes throughout rest of chorus)

                    (AP: Someone should run to the screen and pretend to jack him off)

          Me me me

                    (SHOUT: "It looks like an 80's video")

          Me me me

(Janet grabs guitar)

          Me me me

                    (SHOUT: "Who does she think she is? Joan Jett?")

          Ohh me me

          Me me me

          Ohhhh me me

          Look at me

          Moi Moi

                    (SHOUT: "Godzilla")

                    (SHOUT: "Let's see some really cheap symbolism")

(Two of the three white pillars fall down)

                    (SHOUT: "I guess Viagra doesn't last forever") and/or

                    (SHOUT: "Two out of three ain't bad")

(Farley gives a thumb up "Ahh" of approval.)

                    (SHOUT: "Fonzie") or

                    (SHOUT: "I'd hate to clean under his desk")

                    (SHOUT: "Hey Betty, one of those penises is still erect")

(Betty rushes down to the set.)

(Scene goes back to Macy concluding the segment.)

                    (SHOUT OVER, as Betty runs down: "What's your favorite conjunction?")

Macy: And

                    (SHOUT: "Mine, too") or

                    (SHOUT: "I like butt")

          you can see and hear

                    (ECHO: "scratch and sniff")

          Janet tonight on Faith Factory,

                    (SHOUT: "Unless you're blind and deaf")

          brought to you by Farley Flavors.

                    (ECHO: "Pillsbury")

                    (SHOUT: "There's a smurf on Janet's face")

(Oscar approaches Janet and pats her face cheek)

                    (SHOUT: "Got it! Smurfs zero, Movie one!")

(Various members of the band and floor cast quickly congratulate Janet and walk off. Bert, Nation and Cosmo approach her)

Bert: Out of self came selflessness

                    (SHOUT: "Out of Janet came a...uh...she just came")

Nation: You revealed yourself

                    (SHOUT: "I feel sick")

          the real you, the secret you.

                    (ECHO: "The Secret Garden")

Cosmo: And you liked what you saw, didn't you, Janet?

Janet: Well I -

Betty: How's Brad?

                    (SHOUT: "In bed?")

Janet: Oh well, if he caught my act he'll be looking good!

(Wardrobe mistress walks by and hands Janet her hat.)

                    (SHOUT: "Here's your diaphram. Don't lose it again")

          It seems I'm his medicine so we're off to give him another spoonful.

                    (SHOUT OVER: "There's a smurf on Betty's back, somebody get it!")

(Janet slaps Betty's backside)

                    (SHOUT: "Smurfs zero, movie two!")

          Check ya later Betty. Gotta freshen up.

                    (SHOUT: "Douche?")

                    (SHOUT: "Laugh like a chicken")

(Cosmo laughs arrogantly, as everyone exits.)

(Scene switches to Kirk's coffee corner. Harry, Emily and the floor manager are in line)

                    (SHOUT: "It's the first Starbucks")

Kirk: Gee, how 'bout that. Janet was a knockout!

                    (ECHO: "a hooker") or

                    (SHOUT: "So was Mike Tyson") or

                    (SHOUT: "You've got a big ass!")

Emily: Thank you

Kirk: Yeah, she was terrific. Sexy!

Harry: What?

                    (SHOUT: "Fuck up")

Kirk: At the same time, fresh, untouched, you know. Hey, how's Brad?

Harry & Emily: He's fine.

                    (SHOUT: "Jinx")

(They look at each other simultaneously. Harry grabs his coffee and Kirk picks up the sugar for him)

Kirk: Lucky dog, with a pretty girl like that for a wife.

                    (ECHO: "Bitch")

Harry: Yeah, he sure is. No sugar. Thanks Kirk.

                    (ECHO: "Thanks dear")

Kirk: (to Floor Manager) Well, I'll sugar his daughter's.

Betty: Coffee Kirk

                    (SHOUT: "That's Captain Kirk to you, bitch")

          I'm dying for it.

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Okay, time for Hillbilly magic. Guess which cup the balls under")

Kirk: (Putting Betty's cup down on the counter upside down) R.I.P., Betty.

                    (SHOUT: "Really Ignorant Personality")

          Your off the air.

                    (SHOUT: "Like Rosanne") or

                    (SHOUT: "Like a Tim Curry series")

(Betty and Oliver walk over to the research lab)

Betty: What's happening here?

                    (SHOUT: "Where's Brad? Where's anybody?")

          Janet's on the breakfast show. Brad's committed to a nowhere series

                    (SHOUT: "Jenny")

          and we've been...

(Betty is having trouble with her key in the office lock)

Oliver: Written out?

                    (SHOUT: "Damn rewrites!")

(Dentonvale opening)

                    (SHOUT: "OH SHIT!!! NOT AGAIN!!!")

(During this scene Brad's words, although sometimes understandable, are still muffled, because he is gagged. His words are marked off
by brackets.)

Announcer: Dentonvale

                    (SHOUT: "Starring Brad Majors as Cristopher Reeve")

                    (SHOUT: "…in Nell 2 - The Homecoming")

(Scene shows Harry practicing his putting, while Brad is still bound and gagged in his wheelchair inside the cage.)

          The Mission of Mercy. Starring the increasingly popular Janet Majors.

(Enter Janet)

Janet: Hi Mommy! Hi Daddy! Hi Brad, I've just come to tell you how fabulous I am.

                    (ECHO: "...how slutty I am")

Brad: [Janet!]

Emily: Janet! Where's that lovely dress I made you?

                    (SHOUT: "Goodwill")

Janet: Oh well, Mac just whipped up this little crowd pleaser.

                    (SHOUT: "His latest creation after the Big Mac")

Harry: Why, you're practically naked!

Janet: Well, I can't wear anything under it, Daddy. It would spoil the line.

                    (SHOUT: "My lines are so spoiled, I don't know what to do...") or

                    (SHOUT: "Hey Brad, what do you say while giving a blow job?")

                    (NOTE: The humor in that last joke is Brad's answer is muffled gags)

Brad: (angry) [Spoil the line?! - - -]

Emily: My God, Janet. How can you say such things.

                    (SHOUT: "It's in the script")

          Look at Brad. Look what they've done to him.

(Enter Cosmo, Nation, Bert, Ansalong, and Ricky)

Cosmo: Aah! Janet's parents?

                    (SHOUT: "Did he say parrots?")

Harry: Are you the doctor?

                    (SHOUT: "No, I'm the master")

Cosmo: Yes.

Harry: There's gonna have to be an investigation

                    (SHOUT: "Call Geraldo") or

                    (ECHO: "...to be another letter")

Cosmo: Oh?

                    (SHOUT: "No, Z")

Harry: There are regulations against this sort of thing

Janet: Its for his own good.

Bert: Hoopla Janet!

                    (SHOUT: "Fuck you, Bert!")

Janet: Bert! Sweetheart! Oh, its fabulous to see you!

                    (SHOUT: "Wish he could say the same")

(Dentonvale crew starts clapping in joy. Janet and Bert go to sit down on thecouch. Harry is still confused)

Harry: What's going on here?

Janet: (Sitting down with Bert) ...yes, of course

Bert: I adore that color

                    (SHOUT: "Black is a blind man's favorite color") or

                    (SHOUT: "Of course, that's the only color you see…")

(Brad grumbles. Camera goes to Cosmo leading the Weisses into the cell with him)

Cosmo: The patient was in great danger of doing himself a mischief.

                    (SHOUT: "So give him some raisins")

Nation: We only want what's best for him. As parents you must understand.

                    (SHOUT: "He said parrots again")

Harry: No. No I don't. Brad doesn't need to be trussed up like a turkey.

                    (SHOUT: "He said turkey") or

                    (SHOUT: "No, he's trussed up like a parrot") or

                    (SHOUT: "Gobble gobble")

There are drugs to keep him quiet.

                    (SHOUT: "I'll take five dollars worth") or

                    (SHOUT: "No there's not. I did them all")

Nation: We used them, all of them.

                    (SHOUT: "Next time give Brad some")

Emily: And none of them worked?

Nation: No.

                    (SHOUT: "They were unemployed")

Harry: Then double the strength.

Nation: We did.

Cosmo: We know our job.

Nation: We also know how you feel. We're not strangers to confusion.(Farley laughs)

Emily: We're not confused

                    (ECHO: "Losers").

Harry: Well I am, goddamn it. You trust Brad with this crowd pleaser?

                    (ECHO: "You trust our country to Bush?")

(Song: "Shock Treatment")

(Drum track begins, sort of a "tribal" feel)

                    (SHOUT: "Jumanji!") or

                    (SHOUT: "Wipeout!")

                    (NOTE: A few times during the start of this song, we can see Janet moving her arm to the beat of the music.
                    However, it "looks" like she's masterbating Bert. Make jokes as necessary)

                    (SHOUT: "Say something we don't understand")

Cosmo: I'm not a locum with motives to suture myself

                    (SHOUT: "What?")

          I've been a cynic for too many years

                    (SHOUT: "What do you do with your sister?")

          Playing doctor and nursey can't be good for your health

          I've seen clinics, with those gimmicks in Tangiers.

                    (SHOUT: "Thank you, Dr. Benway")

Nation: But if you open your heart

                    (ECHO: "legs") or

                    (ECHO: "crotch")

          to a smooth operator

                    (SHOUT: "Sade") or

                    (SHOUT: "One ringadingy, two ringadingies…") or

                    (SHOUT: "Hold please")

          He'll take you for all that you've got

          He'll hand you a curse

                    (ECHO: "purse")

          that'll be with you later

                    (ECHO: "that'll hold a vibrator") or

                    (SHOUT: "Lon Chaney")

          It'll shake ya the way he takes off

                    (SHOUT: "I'm thirsty")

          Like a shot

                    (SHOUT: "Make it a double") or

                    (SHOUT: "Bang!")

Cosmo: You need a bit of, ooh, Shock Treatment

(Bert's glasses get crushed. We can see his eyes)

                    (SHOUT: "Aaaah!" - "At least he isn't naked") or

                    (SHOUT: "The only place he got sunburnt is underneith his sunglasses")

                    (Another SHOUT you can yell for Bert is "I'm feeling beautiful!") or

                    (SHOUT: "I feel so fancy!")

          Yes you're jumping like a real live wire.

          You need a bit of, ooh, Shock Treatment

          So look out mister, don't you blow your last resistor

                    (ECHO: "Don't you blow your little sister")

          For a vista

                    (ECHO: "fister")

          that'll mystify ya!

                    (ECHO: "satisfy ya")

Ansalong: You're blinded by romance

          You're blinded by science

                    (SHOUT: "She blinded me with science")

                    (SHOUT: "She blinded me with beaver!") or

                    (SHOUT OVER: "I paid $2 to see this film, I wanna see a beaver shot") or

                    (SHOUT: "I'm a little worried about the Beaver")

(Ansalong swings seductively on the cage)

          You're condition is critically grave

                    (SHOUT: "Dead")

          But don't expect mercy

                    (SHOUT: "You're welcome") or

                    (SHOUT: "Mercy, mercy, mercy")

          from such and alliance

          Suspicion of tradition's so new wave

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Hey Brad, Cosmo's gone. You can go home now.")

(Cosmo pops up behind Brad, startling him)

                    (SHOUT: "Psych!")

                    (NOTE: For remaining two choruses, use the same ECHOES as first chorus)

Cosmo: You need a bit of, ooh, Shock Treatment

          Yes you're jumping like a real live wire

          You need a bit of

                    (SHOUT OVER: "It's the Cranberries")

          Ooh, Shock Treatment

          So look out mister, don't you blow your last resistor

          For a vista that'll certify ya! (fy ya, fy ya, fy ya!)

                    (SHOUT: "Don't yell fire in a crowded theater." - "Crowded theater? Where?")

          You need a bit of, ooh, Shock Treatment

          Yes you're jumping like a real live wire

          You need a bit of, ooh, Shock Treatment

          So look out mister, don't you blow your last resistor

          For a vista that'll certify ya! (fy ya, fy ya, fy ya!)

(Everyone gets up and dances around Brad's cage.)

                    (SHOUT: "Hey everybody, try to grab the ass in front of you!")

(Farley is dancing in hisoffice. Betty and Oliver are watching from above)

Betty: Look at that!

                    (SHOUT: "The Macarena!")

          Bert Schniks' dancing!

                    (SHOUT: "You call that dancing?")

          Bert can see!

                    (SHOUT: "It's a miracle! Hallelujah!") or

                    (SHOUT: "Clarence was right!")

Oliver: Macabre isn't it.

                    (SHOUT: "What?")

          The blind leading the blind.

                    (SHOUT: "They're trying to find the corner") or

                    (ECHO: "The bland leading the bland")

(Everyone dances out of the Terminal Ward)

(Scene switches to the studio floor where Ralph welcomes Janet to the Faith Factory rehearsal. A large picture of
Farley is being carried in)

                    (SHOUT: "Janet likes her men big")

Ralph: Welcome to the Faith Factory rehearsal.

Janet: Thank you.

Ralph: We're all really excited about tonight.

                    (SHOUT: "Nipple check")

Janet: Oh! Do I get one of those? (referring to the giant picture)

                    (SHOUT: "I said a wallet size, not a wall size!")

Ralph: Uh, yes. Yes of course you do.

(Janet is being greeted by loyal fans. Much commotion. Audience is chanting"Janet, Janet, We want Janet".)

                    (SHOUT/chant: "Janet, Janet, we had Janet") or

                    (SHOUT/chant: "Janet, Janet, we hate Janet")

(Farley is watching from his office)

Janet: Hi kids, Hi. Oh, really?

Ralph: Macy, why don't you take Janet and - help her freshen up before the rehearsal?

                    (ECHO: "...and beat the crap out of her") or

                    (SHOUT: "She's, well….not so fresh")

Macy: Sure.

(The crowd that has gathered around her gets upset.)

Crowd: Aw no. . .

(Crowd follows her. In the crowd are band members. Frankie approaches Ralph)

Frankie: Ralph, you promised me an introduction.

Ralph: Later Francine.

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Who's your god?") or

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Who's your favorite Rocky Horror character?")

Frankie: (upset) Frankie!

                    (SHOUT: "Mine, too") or

                    (SHOUT: "Who does she think she is? Sinatra?")

Ralph: Bert, could you spare a moment?

                    (ECHO: "a quarter?")

Bert: Of course.

(Bert, Ralph, and Floor manager step aside. Camera goes to the winding staircase. Audience is still chanting
"Janet Janet we want Janet!". The crowd of band members and camera crew have followed her. Neely stops her
just before she goes upstairs)

Neely: Janet a quick word.

                    (SHOUT: "fast?")

          Could you tell our viewers what exactly you will be representing

                    (ECHO: "eating")


                    (SHOUT: "Leftover meatloaf")

Janet: Uh - Sanity For Today.

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Sex, drugs, rock n roll") or

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Sex, drugs, Albania")

(Crowd claps)

                    (SHOUT: "Belch, I'm full")

Oscar: Wow!

Neely: And that's the word from Janet Majors, DTV's newest star. Okay guys let's move on.

                    (SHOUT OVER: "And now, Amateur poetry night at Leonas")

(Camera goes behind steps to Bert, Ralph, and Floor Manager.)

Ralph: How's Brad?

                    (ECHO: "How's the asshole?")

Bert: He's a wreck.

                    (SHOUT: "So's the Titanic") and/or

                    (SHOUT: "Posideon")

Ralph: Check. The quacks are willing tools?

                    (SHOUT OVER: "How's my asshole?")

Bert: Aaah, The quacks are fools.

                    (SHOUT: "Don't talk about my crack like that!") or

                    (SHOUT: "A couple of dumb ducks")

Ralph: Y'know, I wouldn't mind doing Janet one or two favors

                    (SHOUT: "Nudge nudge, wink wink")

Bert: Its time to check with Flavors.

                    (SHOUT: "31")

(Bert pulls an antenna out of his cane making it a walkie talkie. He blows into it to test it.)

                    (SHOUT: "Beam me up, Scotty")

(Scene shifts to Farley's office - "buzz" - Farley picks up the phone.)

                    (SHOUT: "I'm gonna come!") or

                    (SHOUT: "There's a smurf on that asshole!")

                    (AP: Run to the screen and point your gun finger at Farley)

Farley: Shoot.

                    (SHOUT: "Boom! Got 'em! Movie two, smurfs zero!") or

                    (SHOUT: "Bang!")

(Scene shifts to Janet's dressing room. Nation and Cosmo are at the bar. Macy is making sure Janet is ready. "Carte Blanche" is played in
the background.)

Macy: Is there anything else you'd like Janet?

Janet: Yeah, a new carpet.

                    (ECHO: "script")

          I hate the color.

                    (ECHO: "Plot")

          Don't you?

                    (SHOUT: "What? You don't like Pepto Bismol?")

(Macy checks her clipboard and leaves. Whenever the door opens the crowd is heard chanting "Janet Janet we want Janet!")

Nation: Its only one night Janet. Don't forget who we're doing this for.

Janet: Who?

                    (SHOUT: "20th Century Fox") or

                    (SHOUT: "Jerry Lewis") or

                    (SHOUT: "Of all the gin joints…")

Cosmo: Brad.

Janet: Y'know I'm getting awfully sick of hearing about that emotional cripple. I've got a lot going for me. I'm going

                    (SHOUT/sing: "I'm movin' on up...to the east side..")

          I'm gonna be someone. I'm gonna win my way into the lives and hearts of the people even if I have to kill to do it.

                    (SHOUT: "It's the return of Joan Crawford")

(Cosmo & Nation exchange worried glances)

                    (SHOUT: "Good god, we've created a monster")

          I'll make the pathetic little crones love me.

                    (SHOUT: "Confused?") or

                    (SHOUT: "Pause...and then")

          I don't even know why I'm wasting my time here with you

                    (SHOUT: "We were saying the same thing")

          I should be with my people.

(In the background the radio commercial plays "Carte Blanche is like an avalanche, it kinda snowballs and sets you free")

                    (SHOUT: "Is that a parrot singing on the radio?")

                    (SHOUT: "Cosmo was right. It must be Janet's parrots")

(Janet gets up and walks out to the balcony near the winding staircase and waves)

                    (SHOUT/sing: "Don't cry for me, Argentina") while others sing:

                    (SHOUT/chant: "Evita, Evita, Evita,…")

(The audience is still chanting. At the bottom of the stairs is the band. The crowd goes wild when Janet comes out)

Band: Hey Janet!

Glitch: Girl, you're great.

                    (ECHO: "Ugly")

Janet: Oh, well thanks.

Frankie: Hi, my name's Frankie.

Band: Francine!

                    (SHOUT: "Frankie Francine?") or

                    (ECHO: "Moesha!")

Frankie: And I think you're beautiful.

                    (SHOUT: "Is she blind too?") or

                    (SHOUT: "In an ugly kinda way")

(Scene shift to dressing room. Nation and Cosmo are putting pills in a drink for Janet.)

                    (SHOUT: " Jelly Bellies, the Gourmet jelly beans!")

(Scene back to the band)

Brenda: Hi. I'm Brenda. This is my brother

                    (ECHO: "and this is my statue")

          Oscar and this is our friend, Glitch Davidson.

                    (SHOUT: "Party of Five") or

                    (SHOUT: "Welcome to 90210")

Glitch: Janet, we really enjoyed being on the breakfast show with you this morning.

                    (SHOUT: "They enjoyed being on you this morning?")

(Janet waves to the audience and they go wild. Glitch's words subsequently are drowned out. Nation approaches Janet with a drink)

Nation: This is Janet. She's a phenomenon.

                    (SHOUT: "Hey Janet, they're lookin' up your dress!") or

                    (ECHO: "She's in Phenonmenon - with John Travolta")

(Janet takes a sip)

Janet: (singing) So if you're looking for a standard to which you can aspire

          Then baby, look at me!

                    (SHOUT: "She's still stuck on herself?") or

                    (ECHO: "I gotta pee!")

          Oh oh oh!Look at me!

                    (ECHO: "I gotta pee!") or

                    (SHOUT: "Hey Janet, want another beer?")

(Janet stumbles)

                    (SHOUT: "Guess not") or

                    (SHOUT: "This is the weirdest production of Evita I have ever seen")

Nation: I think you need a little rest. You've got a big night ahead of you.

                    (ECHO: "...a big dyke in bed with you")

(Nation walks Janet off stage)

Frankie: Your clothes are real neat.

                    (SHOUT: "We can see up your dress - you're not wearing panties!")

(Door closes.)

(Scene shifts to Macy and Ralph being interviewed at the bottom of the stairs by Neely. The band passes by chanting
"Janet Janet we want Janet" in the background)

Floor Manager: Reminder, wardrobe check for Faith Factory medical outfits.

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Look at Macy's tits!") or

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Hey, Macy. Nice tits!")

Macy: Aren't they great? But getting back to Faith Factory, all in all, it looks like an exciting new series for us.

                    (SHOUT: "Leave It To Macy's Beaver")

Ralph: Yes, and an attractive financial prospect for Denton.

Neely: And fashion wise?

                    (SHOUT: "We're sure you will adapt") or

                    (SHOUT: "Betty's losing her memory")

(Camera switch to Betty on the phone. Oliver is on the phone next to her)

Betty: What did I tell you?

                    (SHOUT: "It's a Barbie world")

Macy: Well, I can just say that Faith Factory will be introducing a new look. It will show off one or two old faces

                    (SHOUT: "George Burns and Frank Sinatra")

          in an exciting new light.

Neely: Really? Sounds interesting.

(SHOUT OVER: "Betty's losing her hearing")

Betty: Did you hear that Oliver?

Oliver: Yes, Betty.

                    (SHOUT: "He's standing right next to you") or

                    (SHOUT: "I've glued the phone to my head")

          The false promise of a new dawn usually leads to a most bloody sunset.

                    (SHOUT: "What?") or

                    (SHOUT: "Thank you for using AT & T") or

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Hey Ralph, do you like girls?")

Ralph: No, I don't know what Janet's next move will be, but you can be sure of one thing,

                    (SHOUT: "Point to your dick")

          it all starts (pointing) right here.

                    (SHOUT: "On my finger") or

                    (SHOUT: "Pull my finger!")

Neely: Thank you. And that's the word from Ralph Hapshatt and Macy Struthers.

                    (SHOUT: "Trumpets") or

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Now you have to sleep with Bert")

(Ralph and Macy drop their smiles)

(Cameras on Betty and Oliver near the directional sign for the wardrobe room. They hang up the phone and approach us…)

                    (SHOUT: "That was a close call…")

                    (NOTE: This short exchange of dialogue can be covered by shouts of scene related shouts. Notice the sign
                    behind Oliver that directs the "dressing room" and "Wardrobe". When it we can only read "War" because Oliver
                    stands in the way, shout, "It's war!" and when we can only read "Dressing" and "War" shout, "It's a dressing
                    war!" and when we can only read "Wa", shout "Waaaaaaa!")

Betty: Oh, Oliver.

                    (SHOUT: "My face")

Oliver: hmm?

Betty: What are we going to do?

                    (SHOUT: "It's alright, Betty, everything's gonna be alright")

Oliver: Care to indulge?

                    (SHOUT: "I've got gummy bears in my pocket - they're still warm") or

                    (SHOUT: "You indulge, you bulge")

Betty: Indulge?

Oliver: Uh huh. In a little, um…

                    (SHOUT: "Porn?") or

                    (SHOUT: "Dick?") or

                    (SHOUT: "Cheap sex?") or

                    (SHOUT: "Tax evasion?")


                    (ECHO: "Roleplaying?")

Betty: Oh.

Floor Manager: (Over PA system) Final reminder. Wardrobe check for Faith Factory medical outfits. Wardrobe
check for Faith Factory medical outfits.

(Dentonvale opening)

Announcer: Dentonvale, Parental Predicament.

(Scene shift to Terminal Ward right near Brad. Harry is pacing and holding a pair of sunglasses)

Emily: Harry, what are we gonna do?

Harry: I don't know Emily.

                    (SHOUT: "She's the girl you married")

          I'm worried.

                    (SHOUT: "About the cripple") or

                    (SHOUT: "I bet Hank five bucks that Brad could walk")

          Maybe I can wear those black leather brogues.

                    (SHOUT: "First its the Mexicans, now its the blacks")

Emily: Too flashy. They'll clash with the new outfits.

                    (SHOUT: "That we wore in Studio 54")

(Brad starts moaning)

                    (SHOUT: "I hate hangovers")

Emily: All right, Brad, dear. Have another sedative.

                    (SHOUT: "Or two, or ten") or

                    (SHOUT: "It's River Pheonix")

(She fills his mouth with pills)

                    (SHOUT: "Aahh! I hate red hots!")

          We'll miss you on the show tonight.

                    (SHOUT: "But if you're lucky, we'll hit you with our car")

Harry: And don't worry, Brad.

                    (SHOUT: "The Terminator")

(Puts glasses on)

          I'll be back.

                    (SHOUT: "Just going to the 38th Parallel") or

                    (SHOUT: "Fuck you, asshole")

(Puts corn cob pipe in his mouth. Harry and Emily head for the door)

          What about those Italian loafers I bought in Hawaii?

                    (SHOUT: "Now it's the Italians" - "Now it's the Hawaiians")

(Brad moans and passes out.)

(Brad begins hallucinating. He sees Janet walk into the Terminal Ward)

Janet: I've just come to tell you how fabulous I am.

                    (ECHO: "...what a slut I am, am, am, am") or

                    (SHOUT: "Flashback from Echo Canyon")

(Scene shifts to the dressing room where Janet is passed out on the couch with the drink in her hand and a slice of orange on her leg.)

                    (SHOUT: "Everybody likes to eat from Janet's crotch") then

                    (SHOUT: "Especially cheese")

(Nation comes by, takes the drink and eats the orangeslice. We now see Janet's hallucinations. Bert's bedroom door opens. He is sitting
on the bed)

                    (SHOUT: "Go to sleep, Bird Shit")

Bert: Face it, Janet. Brad's an emotional cripple.

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Frasier Thomas")

(Bert's door closes. Cosmo and Nation's bedroom door opens. His arm is around her, his hand at her neckline)

                    (SHOUT: "Which one's the dummy and which one's the vantriloquist?") then

                    (SHOUT: "That's a trick question") or

                    (SHOUT: "Tell us a funny joke")

Cosmo: Quite frankly…

Nation: …He hates you

(Nation and Cosmo begin laughing hysterically. Their door closes.)

                    (SHOUT: "I don't get it…")

(The camera begins to move closer on a still of Farley smiling on TV.)

                    (SHOUT: "Put that microwave on defrost, he's still frozen") or

                    (SHOUT: "Look, Farley's the vantriloquist. Look how well he talks without moving his lips.")

Farley: Times tight Janet

                    (SHOUT: "So's Janet")

          Do it right Janet

                    (SHOUT: "Doggie style")

          Until tonight

                    (SHOUT: "Who's a slut?")


                    (SHOUT: "Did anyone ever find Magenta's eyes?")

(Janet imagines herself in Brads wheelchair in the Terminal Ward. She opens her eyes)

(Brad walks in the door with drool all over his chin.)

                    (SHOUT: "Dr. Strange")

Brad: I've just come to tell you how fabulous I am.

                    (ECHO: "How sweaty I am, am, am, am") or

                    (ECHO: "What an asshole I am, am, am, am")

(Song: "Looking For Trade")

                    (NOTE: The bass line of this song is done twice before she sings. After the first bass line measure, SHOUT/sing:
                    "I can bring home the bacon..." - After the second bass line measure, ECHO/sing: "Just take those old records off
                    the shelf...")

                    (SHOUT: "What's your favorite Polanski film?")

Janet: I'm on a cull de sac

                    (SHOUT: "Don't talk about my sack that way")

          And I gotta go back

                    (SHOUT: "This song was filmed in a pizza oven") in reference to the red halls

          So come on feet

                    (SHOUT: "Don't come on her feet")

          We're gonna hit the streets

                    (SHOUT: "Like a hooker")

          We've got it made

          I'm looking for trade

                    (ECHO: "I wanna get laid")

Brad: I'm looking for love

                    (ECHO: "I want a big stud")

                    (SHOUT: "Why is Brad in a pizza oven?")

Janet: I'm looking for trade.

                    (ECHO: "I wanna get laid") or

                    (SHOUT OVER/sing: "In all the wrong places")

          I need some young blood

                    (ECHO: "I need a young stud")

          I need some young blood

                    (ECHO: "I need a hung stud")

          I need it now.

                    (ECHO: "I need a cow")

          I need some young blood

          I need some young blood

                    (NOTE: same echos here as before)

Band & Janet: And were gonna get it somehow.

(Scene switches to billiard room where cast members surround a pool table. A man breaks the pool balls on the

Janet: I'm on a dead end street

                    (SHOUT: "Kid's got a sledgehammer break" - "Quit talkin', start chalkin'") or

                    (SHOUT: "How's your sex life?")

          I'm like a dog in heat

                    (SHOUT: "Bitch")

          I'm like a kid with no toys

(Scene shows a woman sitting at the corner pocket of the table)

                    (SHOUT: "Eight ball corner pocket") or

                    (SHOUT: "Eat ball, center pocket")

          I wanna get those boys

(A man shoots the cue ball into the pocket, where the girl sits. Another man's hand touches her thigh)

                    (SHOUT: "That's not an 8-ball" - "That's not a corner pocket, either")

          Ooh I can't delay

          I'm looking for trade.

                    (ECHO: "I wanna get laid")

Brad: I'm looking for love

                    (ECHO: "I want a big stud")

Janet: I'm looking for trade.

                    (ECHO: "I wanna get laid")

(The scene switches again to show an arcade, with cast members playing arcade games)

                    (SHOUT: "Welcome back to the eighties")

          Oh were all living like there's no tomorrow

                    (SHOUT: "Are you a slut?")

          and the way things are going that's probably true

                    (SHOUT OVER: "And now another Rocky Horror reference")

(Scene shows closeup briefly on arcade game, Space Invaders II)

                    (SHOUT: "Space Invaders 2…get it?")

          But without you and me sis

          The world would fall to pieces

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Say something we don't understand")

          Vena Cava who's the rave?

                    (SHOUT: "What?")

Band: Our raving savior that's you

                    (SHOUT: "Oh") or

                    (SHOUT: "Gezundheit")

(Scene switches back to the red halls)

                    (SHOUT: "Red halls, red halls" - "Same hall, different color")

Janet: I'm on a primrose path

                    (SHOUT: "Why do you own a mirror?")

          I'm looking for a li'l laugh

          Remember its no fun

                    (SHOUT: "Sex with <fill in the blank with fan name>?") or

                    (SHOUT: "Pick a melody, please") in reference to her off-key note

          To be the chosen one

                    (AP: Raise hands in air and do the Arnold Horshack "ooh ooh ooh ooh" from Welcome Back Kotter")

          There are games to be played

                    (SHOUT: "S & M, D & D") or

                    (SHOUT: "Stratego")

          Looking for trade

                    (ECHO: "I wanna get laid")

                    (NOTE: during next chorus, repeat previous chorus echoes)

Brad: I'm looking for love

Janet: I'm looking for trade.

                    (SHOUT/sing: "Love is a battlefield")

(Scene changes to show side of building, where Janet walks the sidewalk, amongst cast members.)

          I need some young blood

          I need some young blood

(Janet walks full circle around a man in a white gangster outfit)

                    (SHOUT/sing: "What's love got to do, got to do with it") and/or

                    (SHOUT/sing: "Smooth Criminal")

          I need it now

          Oh, I need some young blood

          I need some young blood

          And I'm gonna get it somehow

          I'm looking for trade.

                    (SHOUT: "Even Brad fell asleep at this point")

(Crowd is heard chanting in the background, "Janet Janet, we want Janet")

                    (ECHO chant: "Janet, Janet, wake up, Janet")

(Nation is waking up Janet)

Nation: Janet? Janet? Wake up Janet.

                    (SHOUT: "She's slow, but she's got the idea")

          You've got guests.

                    (ECHO: "crabs") or

                    (SHOUT or ECHO: "You've got mail!")

          You can come in now!

                    (SHOUT: "and out, and in, and out, and in")

(The band enters)

Brenda: Hi, Janet!

Frankie: How are you feeling?

                    (SHOUT OVER: "What's your favorite Who song?")

Janet: Who are you?

                    (SHOUT/sing: "ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh")

Oscar: The band!

Janet: Do you have any friends?

Oscar: Sure.

                    (SHOUT: "Joey, Rachel, Chandler, …")

Janet: You won't have soon.

                    (ECHO: "...after this film")

          What are you called - your band?

Glitch: Oscar Drill and the Bits.

                    (ECHO: "Robin Hood and His Merry Men") or

                    (SHOUT OVER: "Hanson")

(Janet passes out with an "Ungh".)

                    (SHOUT OVER: "And now, Kate Winslet from Titanic")

(Janet lowers her hat over her face, similar to a scene in Titanic)

(Scene switches to wardrobe room. Wardrobe mistress is leaving. When she leaves, Betty and Oliver come out of
hiding, and begin dressing as a Nurse and Doctor.)

                    (SHOUT: "Let's play dress-up")

Oliver: Betty, its imperative we get Janet out of Farley's fast fingers and Brad out of that hell hole before they both
disappear forever.

                    (SHOUT: "But Janet loves fast fingers")

                    (SHOUT: "And Brad loves hell holes")

(Oliver finishes his new attire with a headband that sports a circular mirror in front)

                    (SHOUT OVER: "I can't find the CD that I glued to my head band….hmmm…")

Betty: I don't mind telling you, Oliver, I'm not looking forward to this.

                    (SHOUT: "A pap smear?")

Oliver: If only I could place that name. McKinley.

                    (SHOUT: "My high school gym teacher!")

Betty: It was a president.

Oliver: Presidents. Past presidents.

                    (SHOUT OVER: "One plus one IS three!")

          Betty, this is beginning to add up.

Betty: Really?

(Betty is having difficulty pinning her name tag on her nurse uniform)

          What do I pin this on?

                    (SHOUT: "Richard Jewel")

Oliver: Faith Betty.

                    (ECHO: "Your tit, Betty")

          But make sure its your own.

                    (SHOUT: "Thanks little Buddha")

(Scene shift to Farley's office. Wardrobe mistress is putting on the finishing touches. Cop has just entered)

                    (SHOUT: "Farley's gotta pee!") or

                    (SHOUT: "What do you say to a premature ejaculator?")

Wardrobe Mistress: In a hurry, Mr. Flavors?

Cop: There's a little lady

                    (SHOUT: "Dr. Ruth") or

                    (SHOUT: "Estelle Getty")

          he doesn't want to keep waiting. And a date.

                    (SHOUT OVER: "And now for a stupid question")

Wardrobe Mistress: Who is Mr. Flavors?

                    (SHOUT: "He's standing in front of you, bitch")

Farley: The past.

                    (SHOUT: "Oh, Zsa Zsa")

(Cop lights Farley's cigar)

                    (SHOUT: "Boom!")